Tax Professional Pillows

'I see you have all of your checks and receipts. What are you trying to hide?'

"I'll be needing one of your legs as well!"

'I assume you have documentation to back up these 27 light-years of business travel.'

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

'Sorry, but under the table donations aren't tax-deductible.'

'Now, remember, when we get in there, let me do all the talking.'

"You're self-assessment form is a joke!"

'You deducted whoopie cushions as a business expense Just what kind of business are you in, Mr, Quincy'

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"And if she doesn't file?"

"Taxation, meet Representation."

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

'My mistake was writing to the I.R.S. to thank them for not auditing me that year.'

"Here you are!" "I'll have that, thank you!" Inland revenue gives/takes away.

'Honk if you detest the alternative minimum tax.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

Tipping the I.R.S.

VAT "Don't worry about him he's just here to deal with late payers."

It's the cleaners

"Now let's talk about fines and penalties."

'You can claim your dependents on yout tax returns, but not your codependents.'

"This was not in the Audit Plan."

'Nice touch, but we don't have any openings in the auditing department.'

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

"Hi. This is Ed, over at the I.R.S., just checking to see how you're feeling after your audit."

"He's hit, and he's hurt. Now we'll follow his audit trial and finish him off."

"Could you bring me Mr. Trotter's tax return? It's pinned to the noticeboard by the coffee machine."

'I think this note say they are out to lunch.'

'Wake up, sleepyhead! It's tax-freedom day.'

'But the only way I can afford to pay my back taxes is by avoiding paying my taxes for several more years.'

'Any reciepts to prove all the deductions?' 'I was afraid you'd never ask!'

'You can't get blood from a turnip!'-'We'll never know till we try, now will we?'

'I'm sorry, but we no longer accept payment in US dollars.'

"Do I have to add up all the numbers, or is it like when you do your taxes?"

'Shall I give it to you straight, or would you like some mild anesthetic?'