Tax Preparation Pillows

'I got 2 years for filing false returns, but I did save a bundle by doing my own taxes.'

Procrastination is not tax deductible.

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

'Mr. McWit, being self employed in a one person operation, would you care to explain these deductions for employee theft?'

"So, you're claiming 32 million gifts as a legitimate business expense."

'I see here you're a professional writer. That explains the touch of whimsy in your return.'

IRS tax forms.

IRS agent saying 'And now, let's review your self-employment schedule C form...'

"How come they call these tax returns when I never get any money returned?"

'Nightmare on Form Street.'

'I'm your fantasy from the U.S. Treasury Department.'

Let me do the crying, okay?

'Now whose salary is small potatoes, and who works for peanuts?'

"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."

"Do I have to add up all the numbers, or is it like when you do your taxes?"

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

"Oh dear, Mr. Kringle. I fear we may have to put you on our naughty list."

The government can't get by on what you're making.

"What do you want, accuracy or plausible deniability?"

'Writer's block' is not an adequate excuse for delaying sending in you return.

"It's an IRS 1040 form."

You have all your cancelled checks and receipts. What are you trying to hide?

IRS zero tolerance policy.

File, Henry, before the mob arrives.

"Look at this! Fetching, rolling over, catching a ball! Why can't you do anything?"

Frank tried to stay calm after hearing auditors can smell fear.

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

H&R Steak and Tax Prep.

'Receipts? We don't need no stinking receipts.'

"The accountant is here to see you Mr Smith."

'Yes, Mr Brown, I am aware that 'Tax' is Latin for 'estimate'. But you can't just guess at the numbers!'

"I am enclosing my tax returns for 2002 / 2003, 2003 / 2004 .. "

"It's great that you lost weight, but you don't pay less taxes because there's less of you."

"I hope the fine I payed for tax evasion is allowable!"

'I feel sure I'm paying too little tax, who do I see about it?'