Tax Planning Gifts

'But on the bright side, I was able to find a loophole that should solve your little tax problem.'

'I don't want to brag, but I have a loophole named after me.'

'Sorry, but under-the-table donations aren't tax deductible.'

'Take my advice, stop thinking of it as your money.'

'We've got all the figures, we just haven't decided what order to put them in!'

'I've invested my heart and soul in this company. I need a receipt for tax purposes.'

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

'They have a defibrillator in there.'

"I will grant you three wishes. You should know, however, that after taxes it will be reduced to one and a half wishes."

Just married for tax purposes

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

"Will I be penalized for not having health insurance if I'm young and I'm actually invincible?"

"And if the Revenue raid us you make your way here."

'Sorry son, I spent all your inheritence fighting inheritence tax.'

"I bought this net from the Inland Revenue. It allows big fish to swim through, yet catches the small ones."

"He's looking for small change - it's the most intensive audit I've ever known."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

"It's not enough to write 'Megabucks' on your return, Mr. Clacton. You're supposed to tell us how many."

'All these charitable contributions- You think you can take care of poor people better than the Government can, do you?'

"Those 'reverse mortgage' commercials got me to thinking - Is there such a thing as reverse taxes?"

'How much tax can I avoid by becoming a Philanthropist?'

Are you rich enough for tax loopholes?

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

"My tax refunds are great! I write off the mileage, report all of the presents as charitable donations and use undocumented elves for labor."

The 'Death Tax'

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'

Tax Preparer Pleases A Circus Ringmaster

'Giving back to the community is an excellent tax write-off strategy.'

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

"Look on the bright side, you'll be able to borrow money to pay your taxes at a record-low interest rates!"

'About your three dependants, 'Shep,' 'Fluffy,' and 'Chirpy'....'

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

'I've been paying taxes for 63 years, and I still don't have the hang of it.'

Are you sure Milton Keynes is not a tax haven?