Tax Documentation Gifts

The New Simplified Tax Return!...Step 1: Calculate income from all sources...Step 2: Send it.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Flat tax - equal burden?

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

Tax Collector

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

'I called you in here because your expenses and contributions appear to be quite elaborate!'

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

'I'd like the short form instead...'

"He can afford a bigger cage. His old tax forms line the bottom."

Basic Tax Law/Loopholes.

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

'I'm your fantasy from the U.S. Treasury Department.'

'Only one thing could be worse than paying income tax...' '..Not having to pay it.'

The Accountant Husband

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.

'I feel sure I'm paying too little tax, who do I see about it?'

"Your tax return reads like one of your novels."

"Nice try, Mr. Willis, but it won't make any difference."

"These here accountants should be ready just in time for tax season."

Put it in writing!

"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Singing cowboy AND notary public"

P.O. Boxes. It's from the IRS --- It seems they've declared my savings account to be in the public domain.

I procrastinated and need to work on my taxes today. They're due this week. Doing your taxes is like playing golf. The rules for both are very complex. With taxes and golf I incur huge penalties for going out of bounds. And sometimes it seems like everybody else is cheating. Well, it looks like I owe thousands! I never get to take any deductions in golf or taxes. The final number in both is huge and somehow it all seems unfair!

Monster Tax Service. Tax season is in full swing now. It looks like the zombies had the same income as prior years but King Kong had a big increase. Kong is climbing the corporate ladder while the zombies are stuck in dead-end jobs. The werewolf had some extra income -- must have been moonlighting. The Hulk is taking some credits for going green, and Frankenstein's monster has a big medical expense deduction because of all his surgery. As usual, the Invisible Man has the cleanest return.

'I've got the world by the tail. How much is this going to set me back?'