Tax Gifts

'Take a piece of candy and a tax form. The treat is a gratuity and therefore reportable income.'

"There's no getting away from you guys."

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'You say you were trying to squirm your way out of an audit?'

'I try to think of not having a job as the greatest tax loophole.'

'She's the perfect Christmas gift! She walks, talks, eats, wets and can be written off as a dependent on your taxes.'

'I still think burglar tools OUGHT to be deductible!'

'It cost the taxpayers over $100,000 but we finally got the $86.40 that the guy owed.'

Zero interest CDs! Why pay taxes?

Tax Simplification made simple

"I would, but I don't want to push you into a higher tax bracket."

Shall we check it oversight by oversight?

'Tax.'

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

'Look on the bright side. You haven't paid a penny in tax since you've been here.'

...Here's one I bet you haven't heard.

I got caught cheating in my tax return.

'Then he smiled and his very last words were 'Now the inland revenue will never find out!''

'If you're going shopping, collect some taxes on the way back.'

IRS, 'I can grant you an extension, but it's going to COST you.'

'New rules. You must declare last year's refund as income this year.'

EU fiscal harmonisation

"Allow me to do the talking, okay."

"Your tax return was addressed to the 'Infernal Revenue Service'. Do you know the penalty for a frivolous return?"

"Tell him the Big Bad Wolf is here."

Arlo Jones: Born, Taxed to Death, Died.

The Tax Test

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"The good news is that your sexual harassment expenses are still deductible."

You get three years for tax evasion, plus a late fee, and interest compounded daily, so your total comes to, let's see

Have you paid your taxes, yet, Lars? They were due last week. I filed an extension

"I love the way you hide profits where only I can see them."

'Well at least you've got your health.'