Tasting Titan Pillows

Wine Tasting Club

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

Two Players both holding the same cue.

"You're darned RIGHT it's a serious problem! Sales people, like goldfish, grow to fit their tanks! He's got to be transferred to a bigger territory, PRONTO!"

Football.

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

Addiction to mobile.

"It seems that your body is adjusting itself to the amount of multitasking you've been doing."

'He's been working on 'Seven Days to Change Your Life' for 8 years and he's only reached Tuesday.'

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

"Today in school we learned how to text our names."

It's academic

Pizza and Related Searches.

"I'm sorry but the correct answer is not 'I'm sorry if you feel offended.'"

"Honey,...Oscar wants to go for a walk."

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

The Academic Brain, showing parts: teach, write, do research, and (the largest part) serve on committees.

Hazard of texting

'Things even God could not know - for $400, Alex.'

"Warning! Consumption of alcohol whilst using your phone increases the size of the send button by 90%."

I love my mobile phone.

'First I'll do some covers, then I'll play some derivative, cliche-ridden original material.'

"If they just added texting to how they calculate GDP, this economy would be growing by 20%."

"I'll take 'Remembering things from more than 8 seconds ago' for $200, please."

'Hi! So you're the supply teacher? You're the lucky guy we'll be driving up the wall until the real teacher gets back from mat leave!'

"Being in education, I'm very athletic — I'm a political football, a punching bag, and a hurdle jumper."

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

'We know. He's just fixing the antenna.'