Tarp Technician Gifts

'Ssssssh! There it is again. Hear that? It sounds like a muffled scream.'

The Computer Bore

Jack of all trades

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

Early cyborg.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

The Not-So Smart Meter

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

Congratulations on your retirement!

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

High speed cinder block

STRIP Hambone: Early diesel run computer

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

"And this is one of our most poular models..."

Battery Lighthouse

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

'Imagine if it was this simple to upgrade our staff.'

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

Fixing the TV.

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

'God?' Earth receives its first transmission from space.

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'Okay, the motorized rocking chair could use an emergency off switch.'

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

Computer operator welding machine.

Early Tech Support

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

It's a deal. You give me five analysts, three pundits, seven technicians and a soothsayer. I give you six experts, five professors, four consultants and a prognosticator.