Tantrum Wrangler Gifts

"You can't judge my parenting skills by what you see in the lobby."

The Baby Walker

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

'Lion Tamer experience hey? Well, I have a project currently needing your management skills...'

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

"Use your inside scream."

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

Parenting Business Deals

Out of patience

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

The First Day Back

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

"I caught a snapping turtle. I hope you're not sitting on him."

'I hate 'bring your inner child to work day.''

The Terrible Forty-Twos

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Quiet Time

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"It's good you feel ready to confront your demons. Unfortunately, they're reluctant to face you."

Nanny with children on leash

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

"No screen time means more scream time."

Kindergarten Primary School Teacher

Parental Training Course

"Today is the day I start the new me!"

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"