Tannoy Announcer Gifts

'Of course you can't understand a word he says, he's the station tannoy announcer.'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

Presenter Auditions.

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Lady... I gotta work order to fix a leaky roof."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

'I'm a voice over artist.'

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'

'Tusking...one...two...three. Tusking one...two...three...'

Press freedom day

Easter Bunny

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Let's face facts: You're not as young as you used to be. Too much caffeine can literally kill you. Poppycock! Do you know who you're talking to? When we stormed across Europe under Patton, my tank battalion got stuck in the mud during a torrential downpour. Arty Lang switched my canteen full of rainwater with one full of tank gas. So I replaced his tank's timing belt with tree bark and dental floss. That big galoot and I were always pranking each other lik

Jonah met a strange wooden boy in the belly of the whale.

Communication

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

"A vibrant imagination is an excellent quality for the job...but not the CV."

'My dad's a soccer announcer.'

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

Free Speech has heavy price.

Celebrity 10 o'clock news...

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"Darn! And me without my camera!!"

"And now, representing rescue dogs everywhere..."

'An important update..'