Talent Show Followers Gifts

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

The Drummer

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

Trump commissions song

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

Sherlock Holmes' tax return

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Simon Cowell

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

The ocean is no place for a star.

'You call that carol singing?'

'I see ol' bug-eyes is back.'

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

Jonny B Goode fails his first audition "You know, you play that guitar just like you're ringing a bell! Trouble is we need someone who plays like they're playing a guitar!"

Jerusalem's Got Talent

'Your huffing and puffing completely blew us away.'

Simon Owl - That hoot was ghastly!

"Give it up for Stevie and his musical underarms! Next up, in the house...Crazy Katrina and her jump rope of death! It's something you'll see only on...the Security Camera Network!"

AD 763. Hopeful entrants in the first Easter Island Idol competition.