Tabloid Troll Gifts

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

JET (Part I)

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"This is not good at all!"

'Inflated gloom!'

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

Newscorp hacks into itself.

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

Topless Newsreader - "Just for the first few weeks love, until we've captured the audience."

'Okay, the print media convicted you...but trust me, the video media will overturn the verdict.'

'Sleaze, please.'

'The only way I had to get your attention was to send you that computer virus.'

Showbiz is tough

The Ancient Enquirer: Woman Turns Into Pillar of Salt!

Invasion of Privacy

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

The Gutter Press.

'We've come to invade your privacy.'

'Safari Today likes to think it's a respectable publication, but look at these photos of me and Bobo mating. It's no better than the tabloids.'

Cat on phone to newspaper, voice says: 'For the last time ... we're not interested in stories about 'home alone' cats.'

'Aren't you glad you're a nobody and not a big-shot with the press picking on you all the time?'

Page Three Girls

"Wait! Wait! I just authored a 'Tell-All' Book about my time in the White House as a Trump insider!"