Table Service Pillows

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Rump roast?"

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'I like you, you've got balls.'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"More croutons, sir?"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

Office Furniture - Would you like to thump the table sir, to hear what it sounds like?

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

The Waiter

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Hey! What did I tell you about drinking right out of your super bowl, young man?"

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"The last doggy bag."

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

''Catch of the day' is anyone who tries to leave without paying.'

"Tell you what, just tweet me your order when you're ready."