Food Service Pillows

'I'll serve your businessman's lunch, sir, as soon as the SEC's done examining it.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

'Your resume says that you were previously a waiter. Can I assume that you're comfortable taking orders?'

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

'There will be an eight-hour wait. Would you like a cot?'

'Must be your first day--the smiley face goes on the check.'

Vincent has a sudden bout of dayjob vu.

'Since you like dark beer, I thought you might like a dark sandwich.'

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'Could you hurry up on that order for table five? -- they're holding the maitre d' hostage.'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

Just another day at a British Petroleum cafeteria.

'Read that back to me, please.'

'Sorry there's no food. I was kind of hoping you'd bring some.'

"I always give a 10% tip for good service but on today's showing, you owe me £15!"

"It's a new regulation - we now have to show you a list of the things we don't serve."

Go large or go home!

"Hi...my name is Jason and I'm your wait person for this evening."

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

Reopening and Covid

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

"There may be a slight delay on the beef fillet."

"We should reload the changer. The Franklins are coming at seven."

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

''Catch of the day' is anyone who tries to leave without paying.'