Restaurant Service Pillows

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

"It's essential to ask 'Everything OK with your meal?' when you know they have a mouth full of food ..."

"Careful, these plates are extremely dirty."

Sound horn for service.

'What's our offence? We've been on bread and water for 40 minutes.'

"Of course i can microwave your meal for you, but believe me - it won't make it taste any better."

"The crystal ball is to indicate when a waiter will next be in this vicinity."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Counting ribs

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You owe me five bucks."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Rump roast?"