Food Service Newbie Pillows

"Rump roast?"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"What's happened to Quiche?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"We're not just some tavern, you know. Those Greek olives make us a Taverna."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Would you like me to warm up your eggs?"

"A little lamb please."

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

Seasonal workers in the restaurant trade: 'Salt...pepper'.

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

"By the way, I'm giving notice I start at Hooters on Monday."

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"