Service Pillows

'Sorry I'm late. My van broke down and I didn't know how to fix it.'

"More croutons, sir?"

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

Butler uses a bike to deliver the food around a long table.

"Tipping before the meal helps me ascertain the level of service you may or may not receive."

The Waiter

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"More?"

Man Looking Through Window

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

Lunch-Hour Highlights

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

'After graduation, I plan on working in warrantless surveillance for the CIA. How about you?'

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

Waiter, what's this photograph of Jeff Goldblum doing in my soup? He starred in the remake of "The Fly." Personally, I prefer Al (David) Hedison in the original.

'No Mam. The service charge does not include a change of oil.'

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

An Emotional Support Pet's Support Pet's Support Pet.

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

Don't be afraid of criticism. Openly ask for feedback so you can improve service.

Top four least favorite summer camps of 2008.