Table Setting Pillows

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

'It was a complete surprise when the table-setting police arrived. I had no idea I was doing it wrong.'

Place Settings for the Elderly

"Should we start without him?"

"Sir Eustache is searching for a coaster for the holy grail."

Mind your manners and use a rounded tip knife instead.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'Hey Mister Petrie, what's the world's record for tennis balls in a retriever's mouth?'

Reserved space is reserved for a dinner table.

"I just love candle-lit dinners."

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"I want to set the world record for eating the most empanadas ever!"

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

Office Furniture - Would you like to thump the table sir, to hear what it sounds like?

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"The last doggy bag."

'Don't chew your food.'

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

"Did I set the table right? Fork, knife, tooth brush?"

'It's rude to stretch across the table. Haven't you got a tongue?'

'Have you been eating right?'

'1875 - Captain Matthew Webb becomes the first man to swim the English Channel.'

'All dogs have four legs. All tables have four legs. All dogs are tables."

'Quick, table two have both for their mouths full, ask them how their meal is.'

'I see you had egg for breakfast.' - 'Yesterday morning.'

'Do you think FOR ONCE you can chew with your mouth OPEN!'

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

"Five settings? Who's coming over?"

"Gesundheit!"

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'