Table Manner Rebel Pillows

Show mother some respect!

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

How The Sausage Is Eaten

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"The last doggy bag."

Child jumping on a table-tennis table.

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'He doesn't actually drink much. He spills most of it!'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

Wine tasters...

'Don't chew your food.'

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"I'll have the chef."

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"Oh no! Didn't you bring your phone?"

"No one quite knew what Bob did to earn a crust...rumour had it he was a biologist...with a special interest in sloths!"

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

Note: Remote control goes inside the soup spoon.

Eating the Cocktail Olive

' Hey...he's not eating like a pig.'

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

'Quick, table two have both for their mouths full, ask them how their meal is.'