Tab Avoider Pillows

"I don't want stock options. I want you to pay your tab."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

'I beat the 5 o'clock rush... I leave work at noon!'

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

Sawdust.

L.A.: Still No Pro Football

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

'Skip the menu Ramon,i'll just have what he's having,thanks.' / 'Very well sir.'

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

"Don't tell the boss, but I'm leaving early to beat the traffic."

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

'IN my fantasy league, we're not allowed to pick players from teams named after cats.'

Escaped Fish

"What abouts...the ones who are allergic to all these service animals?"

'Careful, it might be a trap...'

"Just more Junk Mail."

(Dart! ….. I pressed the button for instructions in Spanish!)

'Mom, what are 'stairs' for?'

'You want a plastic bag, for one tin of peas? Why don't you use your hands to carry it home? After all, they are reusable and friendlier to the environment.'

'Open up Clayton, you knew it was inevitable.'

Right now, he's in his man cave.'

"It's nothing...probably something I just ate for dinner."

'I didn't get the memo. I like not getting memos.'

Tooth ache.

The new, improved "Hide-A-Dysfunction" Slip Cover

'I have a terrible fear of paying bills.'

'Not only must she love dogs, but she must hate cats.'

'Look on the bright side, we're surrounded by water: We're safe from cats...'

Island Rent Due.

"Final demand! Does that mean they'll stop pestering us?"

"I've consolidated all our bills into one missed payment."