System Satirists Pillows

Careers Advice - 'What kind of benefits are you interested in claiming?'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Now you can send it."

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

'for more obit info, go to...'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

'Blair picks safe poet caureate' "He was just giong through the motions"

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

War of Words

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

"This is my 'country house.' I also have a duplex in the city."

"Parts and labor?"

Pizzas

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

Planet of the Ants

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

Other Than That Everything's Perfect

"I thanked my teacher for teaching us so well and she fainted."

It's your replacement for 'Nimrod'!