System Satirist Pillows

'Effective communication with patients is ESSENTIAL, so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue with Tim.'

'I'm sorry madam, but according to the computer your husband was booked in for a hysterectomy.'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

'In with the warden !'

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

"Parts and labor?"

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

The prying mantis,

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Yes, one is a dog."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Horse statue throws off rider.

"Now you can send it."

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"I'm after the history section."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

Inhospitality tent.

'for more obit info, go to...'

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"I got probation."

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,