Automatic System Satirist Pillows

'If you wish to complain please press 2 and then select the Death Metal band that you'd like to listen to while you are on hold.'

"Now you can send it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

'for more obit info, go to...'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

"I got probation."

How to create a password you can remember...

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

Pop up begger.

Munich Security Conference

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

NHS computer: Kaput.

"Parts and labor?"

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

TOO SLOW

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

It's your replacement for 'Nimrod'!

Airport security - next step?

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

Lies on the Internet

'I'm just a struggling actor. Your insurance policy doesn't cover a real doctor.'

"I don't care how much I own – there's still something unsatisfying about digital Girl Scout Thin Mints."

"Err..Hello?..Wilsons Car Sales? I'm having a little teething trouble with the satellite navigation system"

'Thanks for stopping in. Don't call us, our database will contact your database.'