Syntax Explorer Gifts

'Ha-ha! My Dad is right! If you say a word too many times, it doesn't sound like a real word anymore!'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"It's an honest mistake I'm sure we'll never hear of again."

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

The Elephant in the Womb

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"Be or be not. There is no question."

'It feels like I'm very much in a good place these days. That is, aside from the grammar.'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

"Nice design but you haven't quite mastered the technology!"

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

Famous Oxymorons...

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

Museum of Natural Cliches

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

Street painter puts real face on man with happy face.

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

"They say the early bird gets the worm, but something's rotten in Denmark with this scenario!"

"I can't believe this! All these filthy messages on your cell phone! And so many of them! What is it? 100? 500? 1,000?"

"Say these things, don't think them!"