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Pi-thon

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

Pasta

London GPs could become an endangered species.

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

Women who Read Too Much

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"I didn't want this book to end, so I stopped reading it midway."

NEW FALL LINEUP

"Keep a television remote zapper handy along with a bottle of scotch whisky."

'May I recommend the monk fish, sir?

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

'This wine doesn't need to breathe...it needs CPR!'

I love Berimbau!

"You're not stepping on it right."

Fishing Quota - "Oh no! We've gone over the limit."

"Yes, the steaks have never been higher."

'It keeps leftover wine fresh? Does that ever happen?'

The Grim Peeper makes a house call.

Two Men Having Showdown On Small Hill-Top

'Ta da! A preview of coming extractions!'

For the grey nomad, life on the road had its challenges.

Conveyor belt sushi

"This IS Cinderella Sire, you should see her two ugly sisters!"

"He's not a third- rate second-rate artist. He's a first-rate third-rate artist."

"The end is near, now available on Amazon Prime."

"It's only panic alarm system... it goes off every time management suggest another reorganisation."

'I was retaining water, so I cut out the salt. Now I retain gas.'

"I'm A Gigantic Starfish Endowed With The Gift Of Speech, Not A Miracle Worker."

'What makes him a wine snob? - He knows more than I do.'

"It's all there. And because of the pressure to conform to social norms I've included a 20% tip."