Sip Savorer T-Shirts

'What makes him a wine snob? - He knows more than I do.'

'This wine doesn't need to breathe...it needs CPR!'

"The rolling wheels...the ringing bells...signal the deliciousness of summer."

Pasta

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

Women who Read Too Much

"House red, sir?"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Let me guess. You had it up to here with the world of business, so you packed it all in and started your own winery."

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"Keep a television remote zapper handy along with a bottle of scotch whisky."

Oysters in June - delicious!

Garlic, the wonderful stinking rose.

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

'May I recommend the monk fish, sir?

"The champagne aisle always makes me cry. Just look at all this imprisoned happiness!"

Fishing Quota - "Oh no! We've gone over the limit."

Tree Relief

Olde English Delicacies - Maypole Syrup.

'It keeps leftover wine fresh? Does that ever happen?'

'Ta da! A preview of coming extractions!'

A people-meter family out enjoying the calm night breezes while claiming to be inside enjoying a rerun of 'Falcon Crest.'"

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

Pi-thon

For the grey nomad, life on the road had its challenges.

Conveyor belt sushi

"He's not a third- rate second-rate artist. He's a first-rate third-rate artist."

"Quick! It's the 45 minutes a year when tomatoes taste incredible!"

Sharks surround the White House

"I'm not blowing to cool it down, I'm trying to warm it up!"

"There's nothing like coiling up with a good book."

The Specials