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Real Reality Shows...

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"The rolling wheels...the ringing bells...signal the deliciousness of summer."

Pasta

London GPs could become an endangered species.

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

Comic,,,Drama,,,Laugh Track,

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Situation Tragedy.

Beam me up. Scotty!

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

Women who Read Too Much

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"I didn't want this book to end, so I stopped reading it midway."

'I wasn't going to destroy their country until they introduced me to the cast of 'Jersey Shore'.'

'Mom, was Dad your number one draft choice?'

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

Larry David

"So I play this guy named Stan Snorkel who finds a big, gray poodle..."

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

"He goes through the TV listings deleting all the 'trash' I like."

"The doctor's running late. Feel free to catch up on your binge watching with our waiting room TV."

"Yet it's magically okay when Mrs. Maisel & Susie talk like that."

NEW FALL LINEUP

"Semi-autobiographical plot-lite exploration of twenty-somethings who struggle to express their wants & needs."

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

After hours TV.

The good news is that you've cured me of my pornography addiction � The bad news is that now I'm addicted to Rorschach ink blots.

Heterosexual actor auditions.

Rowan Atkinson

Today Ernie will try to guess these cliches being demonstrated by celebrities. Here's characters from the TV show "The Big Bang Theory." Ouch! That's Sheldon and Penny. The cliche is "Penny Pincher." This photo of the 2008 World Champion Philadelphia Phillies is sliced right up to the second baseman. Chase Utley --- The photo is "cut to the chase." A comedian with a career spanning decades is being covered with gold. Lily Tomlin --- "Gilding the Lily"! And this "Pirates of the Caribbean

'They only keep him in the team because of his famous WAG!'