Swole Spinsters Gifts

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Soup of the month.

Powerful Love.

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Fish talking about fisherman

'First of all, relax.'

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

"Wilson, you're still using those training wheels?!"

'It was only a five minute job. Not worth changing out of his best clothes for'

fairy tales

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

'I must admit, this family reunion hasn't really lived up to my expectations.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

'R.I.P. Van Winkle, just sleeping.'

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

'Who needs a measuring tape when you've got an imagination?'

'Because he was the one who had to milk her. That's why Jack traded the cow for a handful of beans.'

"Always exaggerate. It makes life seem more interesting."

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

'I wish somebody would say something.'

Bicycle Pie Chart

'Did you feel the baby kick that time, hon?'

T'was the night before the night before Christmas.

Every App tells a story.

Note: Remote control goes inside the soup spoon.

Writers Block: "Day 24 and still no typewriter!"

"I know: what if we take that old 'got milk' slogan, but instead of using the word 'milk,' we'll insert the name of our own product."

Pandora's cat.

'You really need to get some balls.'

'He wears his spikes on the inside.'

'Your book is quite dull, so we're marketing it as a bedtime story.'

Engraving on tomb of the unknown writer - The END.