Swole Spinsters Pillows

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

Soup of the month.

Powerful Love.

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Fish talking about fisherman

'First of all, relax.'

"Wilson, you're still using those training wheels?!"

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

fairy tales

'It was only a five minute job. Not worth changing out of his best clothes for'

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"

'I must admit, this family reunion hasn't really lived up to my expectations.'

'R.I.P. Van Winkle, just sleeping.'

'Who needs a measuring tape when you've got an imagination?'

"Always exaggerate. It makes life seem more interesting."

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

'Because he was the one who had to milk her. That's why Jack traded the cow for a handful of beans.'

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

'I wish somebody would say something.'

Bicycle Pie Chart

T'was the night before the night before Christmas.

Every App tells a story.

Note: Remote control goes inside the soup spoon.

'Did you feel the baby kick that time, hon?'

Writers Block: "Day 24 and still no typewriter!"

"I know: what if we take that old 'got milk' slogan, but instead of using the word 'milk,' we'll insert the name of our own product."

'You really need to get some balls.'

'He may not be a great angler but you have to admire his honesty.'

'Your book is quite dull, so we're marketing it as a bedtime story.'

Engraving on tomb of the unknown writer - The END.

'Ollie, it's me! Some rich guy repeated one of my cockamamy tales and I sued him for intellectual property theft.'