Spite Enthusiast Gifts

Lanes Closed for Spite

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

Clownfish entertain sea life by hitting each other in the face with octopi.

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

"Careful Hank, this one still has some fight in him."

'I lost a fight with a mud puddle.'

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

'What happened to your hand.'

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

'Well, I thought crankbaits made really great stocking stuffers.'

'I never thought my dirt would turn on me like this.'

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

'Parents are so inconsistent. They spend all day avoiding soil loss and all night promoting it.'

Assets On Hand/Familiarity With Landscape

"Here are today's political campaign numbers: spin is up 10%, truth is down 5%, flip flops up 20%..."

"My husband is fishing. . ."

'Honey, it's your worms of the month delivery!'

"He was always loyal and insisted on being buried with his stilts..."

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'Now that's what I call a rescue dog.'

'A cure for a hangover is don't sober up.'

Yeah, yeah, yeah - tell my editor the fables are almost done, and she'll have them as soon as

Need Cash for Alcohol Research.

'What is wrong with brother Sebastian?'

Liquor Store - Gift Suggestions.

'It's a taste I think I can say I've acquired.'

'I've been told to keep my spirits up.'

Bicycle Pie Chart

'I don't care what she'sez. I only dring t'get to the worm.'