Swimming Underdog Pillows

"The swim team is really feeling those school budget cuts."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

The trauma of losing.

"Eat my dust!"

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

The Leafs win the Cup!

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

"Stop with this mathematics dictatorship."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

Basketball Tourney. Ernie, you're crushing everybody in the office basketball pool! You've picked the winner of every game so far! It's amazing because you don't know a thing about basketball. For you, picking the winner of every tournament game is like correctly guessing a coin flip sixty seven times in a row! No, I have a system! It seems everybody has an opinion about the tourney so I listened to what my investment advisor thought about the teams. And with his record of picking winners

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

Soldier to David about Goliath: 'You did that with a step, a flick and a follow-through? Talk about high impact exercise!'

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

'Oh great, we'll never win with this nerd on our team.'

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

Stop the big guy!

Published but unread poet.

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"It says here researchers have found we're not as smart as some people believe."

March 8, 2030: the debut of 'Rocky 19.'

Ballad of a Replacement Player

Balloons vs. Rockets

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

"Way to go, guys! When I gave you that pep talk before the game I didn't actually think you'd score a goal!"

'Determined little guy.'

Masochistic Soccer Fan

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'