Swimming Safety Buff Gifts

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

'I love it here. It really floats my boat.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'No, Ben, making your eyes go bigger does not make the fish grow bigger!'

"Don't forget to put some sunscreen on your tongue."

"We'll get there when we get there!"

"You may enjoy swimming with the dolphins, Howard, but do they enjoy swimming with you?"

"Remember, when you back up, make that 'beep beep' sound."

"We have to get out of here! They're saying boil ALL water!"

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"You know you have to wait an hour after eating before getting out of the water, young man!"

Submariners' Eye Test.

Mash-Test Dummies.

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

"The shell has a high SPF, but I still need sunscreen for the rest of me."

"Warning! Not to be used as a life saving device."

Halloween health & safety.

Lapdogs

"I don't care what the owner's name is. It's bad luck."

'Oops, sorry about that,sir.'

Captain of ship, surrounded by rough drafts and scrunched-up pieces of paper, says: 'Dammit bosun, we can't set sail without a coherent mission statement.'

'I say we forget about these particular chickens...'

'The swimmers line up for this, the final heat, and surprise, surprise, It's the dog paddle.'

"It's the worst case of Sick Building Syndrome I've ever seen!"

I'm snagged on the bottom. I'll have to break the line.

Goldfish in a Rowing Boat

'Yes, this is the deep end.'

'A boat in every garage, a limit of fish in every creel!'