Sweet Strategists Gifts

"Brilliant idea of yours,darling-only inviting no-sweet tooths!"

'I sent out for everything.'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"Forget about flowers, trust me, bring her honey: It's a sure way to one's heart..."

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

'I believe in aggressive mergers, Celia.'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

Dating the efficiency expert.

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

'If I promise to be good for the next 30 years, can I have some sweets Dad?'

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

Bored Baker

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"I married for contrast."

Don't let your your evil twin be your wingman when trying to pick up a woman in a bar.

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

'Pay no attention, they are a couple of ex husbands.'

'When you play hard to get you really mean it, don't you?'

So what happens when you told Armstrong you wouldn't recite that Sinclair Broadcasting script? Oh, nothing. Sinclair sued me for everything I own, that's all. But the joke's on them: I've set up different LLC's for every aspect of my life. So all they could get were the assets of the LLC that they paid. This opens up a whole world of possibilities. I knew forming Rudy-has-next-to-nada LLC was a good idea. I am going to miss my ten cents and my broken wiffle ball, though.

How to feel confident in love & war

'...assuming the numbers are right, ask her to marry you.'