Sweet Strategist Gifts

Gracie's Halloween Candy Exchange.

Marketing Fails no.972

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'She'll never look for me here.'

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

'I believe in aggressive mergers, Celia.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

'I am constantly diversifying my toy portfolio.'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

"Game of checkers? Okay, but I'm watching every move you make."

Noughts and crosses hugging and kissing.

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'If I promise to be good for the next 30 years, can I have some sweets Dad?'

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

Bored Baker

'If you know what's good for you Allan, you'll let me pass.'

'I take playing footsie very seriously, Jane. You may have won the first two rounds, but let's make it three out of five.'

CX909708

BUSINESS PRESCHOOL

The Death Star gets a marketing makeover.

"This'll look great on my transcript!"

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

So what happens when you told Armstrong you wouldn't recite that Sinclair Broadcasting script? Oh, nothing. Sinclair sued me for everything I own, that's all. But the joke's on them: I've set up different LLC's for every aspect of my life. So all they could get were the assets of the LLC that they paid. This opens up a whole world of possibilities. I knew forming Rudy-has-next-to-nada LLC was a good idea. I am going to miss my ten cents and my broken wiffle ball, though.

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

"Large destroyer on the horizon, captain."

"What do you get for the man who complains about everything?"

"The sales figures are now in and I would like Tom to chew over them this weekend."

"Five kids have signed my petition. We'd like to have vegetarian options on the cafeteria menu. To help, I've put together a few recipes of my own."