Swag Bag Survivor Gifts

Ok, the first challenge is to throw out all the cheap crap in the swag bag we just gave you.

"Well, I'll miss him, but all his friends are backpacking Europe to herd sheep this summer, too."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

'Honey's a real problem for me. Whenever I try to cut back, I just end up binging on campers.'

"And now Survivor Six...walking through your kid's room barefoot in the dark..."

'No wonder you can't relax! Seven hundred miles in one day!'

"Professor, just how long did you say that evolution thing takes?"

'Does my bum bag look big in this'

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

This Spring's Girl will be a warrior type, a survivor.

"An exclusive group. Each survived three scandals and was re-elected."

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"What makes you think I have buck fever?"

'Face it, Al, there's no business like show business for you anymore.'

"You been here long?"

'Hey,Fred- I can hear the sea!'

"It's OK, it's just pee."

Excess Baggage: Anyone who think business travel is glamorous should have a talk with a business traveler.

"Negative, Captain. Conditions here extremely hostile to rockabilly."

Work Meeting Rules

'This is even better than HEADLIGHTS!'

"It's sad how you've let yourself go since you stopped modeling."

'Another October 30, another failed Halloween candy sleepover.'

Never give up! Unless it's really h.....

"Now get down there and make a sale."

He was an early riser. She knew it, but never really got used to it.

'When this is over with, I'm going to need a LOT of aromatherapy!'

Eight Attempts at remembering PIN or less.

The meaning of life.

'Don't say: 'I got caught in a mousetrap.' Say: 'I'm a mousetrap survivor.''

'Okay, so I had one bad day.'