Suv Rival T-Shirts

"Believe me, with the Equalizer, here, you'll never take any crap from an S.U.V. again."

Coexist. Coexhaust.

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'It seats two comfortably.'

"Frankly, I never would've figured you for an S.U.V. person."

Fred interpreted the word compact as a verb, not as an adjective.

'If you're not over-protective of your new SUV, then why on earth would you bring it way out here on our hunting trip?'

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he would be driving this make of Sports Utility Vehicle."

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Jones ... don't use that 'I'm only human' excuse with me again!"

'I still say it would be faster if we had a four-wheel drive.'

A triathlon for the lazy and unfit.

"Did you hear? Melinda Alvarez, the smartest girl in school, made an ice cream machine for her science project and then shared it with all her teachers! What did you make, Gracie?"

'Don't let any SUV's pass us.'

"Unclean demon, in the name of the saint I command you to leave the spirit of this man and to take from him his unholy desire to drive an SUV!"

"Honey! I'm taking the new SUV for a ride. I want to see how many blocks it gets per gallon!"

4 x 4s - buy one, get one free.

'Sorry to bother you Mr Hellerman, but do you think you could just pop in and change the channel?'

Targeted opponent

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning an SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

I feel so helpless. Fuel price anger counseling – $25. The gas companies could charge me whatever they wanted and I couldn't do a darn thing about it. I'm utterly powerless – a pawn in some sick geopolitical game where I've got no options. What if I can't afford to drive my 6,000-ton SUV two blocks to the gym?!

Sports futility vehicles

'Goddam Range Rovers churning up the countryside,'

"We breed them for aggressiveness."

Family using a mobile stairway to enter their SUV

Emerging from Bankruptcy.

'Uh oh, they all have 6,000 pound cars now.'

'It's an IQ test for the driver.'

"I've tried everything, but my gas mileage is terrible."

'And this little warning light flashes when the outside air becomes too polluted to breathe.'

Expensive fuel costs make driving large vehicles costly.

Hire car is overtaken and dominated by 4x4 'Higher car'.