Sustainable Snackers Gifts

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

Chez Nous Menu

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Little league world series of poker.

"Is the MSG local?"

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"Fresh pepper?"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

To do before Saturday...

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Jeff's Smorgasbord

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

"You had me at alternative milk."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

Olive Oil

For every Covid-19 death there are 2.5 deaths resulting from dietary risks.

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"It's dangerous to eat pangolins, but..."

The Rabbit Meeting.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"