Sustainable Gardener Gifts

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

If we build raised beds and a compost bin now

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

The Environmentalist

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

The new green legislature requires methane mitigation.

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

The Farmer Sutra.

Snail trap

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Do you have air pollution problems?

Hydroponic Gardening

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

Arctic Hothouse

"The future of resilience is diversity, not monoculture. And I'm not JUST referring to vegetation."

"OK, today, Bob, your team is on blackberry clearing at the Brown's farm, while Lisa, your team is on thistle clearing at the Barker's farm..."

'Boy this is a great garden: You can taste the natural compost and fertilizer...'

Farmer holding a raining cloud over his crops with a piece of string

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

Pyramid Garden

'Sewer farm - 100% organic'

"I'm thinking about working on something really big, but for now I'm just happy keeping my plants alive."

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

'WOOHOO! I love Methane!'

Biodiversité

"I've given up on trying to improve the quality of my milk: It just ends up mixed with milk from other cows in a big vat..."

Can you help me turn my yard into a pesticide-free nature area? Of course! Tree's tree nursery. I want to plant native species that attract birds and butterflies. Fabulous plan. You're just the kind of client I dream of! One detail

'Mind if I trim the hedge back? It's over mine a bit!'

Solar powered sundial

'Free range isn't all that! We basically get leftovers from the cattle!'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

When I'm dead, I want to be composted!

'Yep!.... My truck runs completely on methane now!'