Suspense Story Enthusiast Gifts

'Who would have ever suspected that a stockbroker, working from the park, who accepts cash, wasn't legit?'

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Victor Hugo

Night of the Latkes

'Where was the TSA?'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Out To Lurch

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Audio Books

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Zombies.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"This makes Pamplona seem like child's play."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Hansel and Gretal

"This is what's known as a book."

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Jacques et Jille

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

Alberich steals the gold

"Personally, I loved your novel. Unfortunately, our e-book editor says it just doesn't work on the little screen!"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"