Suspense Stories Gifts

'If I see one more horror movie about serial killers... I'll scream.'

'Please let it be burglars and not the sitter cracking up again!'

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

Out To Lurch

Silence of the Chickens...

Ghost School.

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"I'm spooked - they don't want candy, they want ice water!"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

"We need to stop sharing one set of clothes."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

"This makes Pamplona seem like child's play."

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"

"... and the sales call was coming from inside the house!"

"Had more ghost-hunters 'round my place last night....scared the daylights outta me!"

Moby Dick

Scary stuff

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

"The new OS update should fix the bug that makes you want to murder everyone."

'I may not know about DNA, but I sure as hell know about recombinant.'

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

Cat Frankenstein

"What'd you think the zipper on my face was for?"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"And every year on this very day...he creeps into camp and steals everyones electronics."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'