Survey Reading Gifts

"It's not just me - according to this survey, being a scientist just doesn't ring any bells for single women."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

'Other than the countless probing how would you rate your stay with us?'

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

First and last day as census taker...

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

"It's ten o'clock, and seventy-seven per cent of the people think all is well!"

I'm just a pollster, ma'am - I have no idea which candidate is a cat person.

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

"Excuse me, sir - I'm conducting a survey about stress in the workplace."

"And finally, would you say your fear of crime has increased?"

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'

Suggestions Box

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

Gate has 'beware of the dog' sign. Dog has a clipboard questionnaire and asks: 'Excuse me, could I have five minutes of your time?'

Unfortunately of the 78% of people who completed more than 56% of the survey 98% thought it was a complete waste of time

Before you go, please take a moment to fill out this abduction survey and sign up for our free weekly e-newsletter.

Mori, Ipsos, Gallup, just nosey

"Before you head back to the future, we'd like you to fill out this survey to help us improve our era."

'We get 183 channels, and I still don't know what I think.'

"d you say, 'better the devil you know,' or 'throw the rascal out' or 'other'?"