Survey Reading Gifts

"It's not just me - according to this survey, being a scientist just doesn't ring any bells for single women."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

'Other than the countless probing how would you rate your stay with us?'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

First and last day as census taker...

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

"It's ten o'clock, and seventy-seven per cent of the people think all is well!"

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

"Excuse me, sir - I'm conducting a survey about stress in the workplace."

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

"And finally, would you say your fear of crime has increased?"

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'

Suggestions Box

Gate has 'beware of the dog' sign. Dog has a clipboard questionnaire and asks: 'Excuse me, could I have five minutes of your time?'

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

Unfortunately of the 78% of people who completed more than 56% of the survey 98% thought it was a complete waste of time

"d you say, 'better the devil you know,' or 'throw the rascal out' or 'other'?"

'We get 183 channels, and I still don't know what I think.'

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'