Survey Analysis Gifts

Approval rating polls.

"I didn't believe polls saying crime doesn't pay."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

'Other than the countless probing how would you rate your stay with us?'

First and last day as census taker...

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

Results of the Tropical Fish Sex Survey

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

"It's ten o'clock, and seventy-seven per cent of the people think all is well!"

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

I'm just a pollster, ma'am - I have no idea which candidate is a cat person.

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

"Excuse me, sir - I'm conducting a survey about stress in the workplace."

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

"And finally, would you say your fear of crime has increased?"

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'

Suggestions Box

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

Gate has 'beware of the dog' sign. Dog has a clipboard questionnaire and asks: 'Excuse me, could I have five minutes of your time?'

Mori, Ipsos, Gallup, just nosey

"Before you head back to the future, we'd like you to fill out this survey to help us improve our era."

"The latest numbers are in. More voters want you to drop out than to run."

'We get 183 channels, and I still don't know what I think.'