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Pinocchio finally takes the plunge.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

'Yessir, I just finished my first spay...but how did you know?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"What should we do with this extra part?"

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

'Well, I'll be...look at this...there's a song in his heart!'

Anatomy.

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Anatomy.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

Hospital Cleaning.

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

He really puts his heart into it!

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

"Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator."

'Laser Surgery While You Wait.'