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"Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator."

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

Performance.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"What should we do with this extra part?"

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

"I think your problem is heartbeat-from-mouth syndrome."

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

'Golf War Syndrome.'

'Be careful, Doctor Trefz, she doesn't like men!'

'It appears you've arrived here because of some medical gobbledygook, so, to put it simply, you can now go home.'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'