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Surgery.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

'Yessir, I just finished my first spay...but how did you know?'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

Body Building

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"What should we do with this extra part?"

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

'Well, I'll be...look at this...there's a song in his heart!'

Anatomy.

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Anatomy.

He really puts his heart into it!

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

Several of the med students had been cheerleaders when they were undergrads.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

'Whew! Five surgeries in one day! Well, let's try to make this last one end on a happy note!'

"Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator."

'Thanks for allowing these high school students to watch your surgery. Check it out on YouTube!'

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'Laser Surgery While You Wait.'

"Any chance that was you who just screamed in excruciating pain?"

'I knew there was another book in him!'

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."