Surgical Residency Gifts

'The position will be a success if you're not suing me.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

'Long shift?'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'Wilkins! Keep your eyes on your own cadaver!'

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

"Well, there's nothing in the rules that says baboons can't perform surgery, so what the hey, let's give him a shot."

'So let this be a lesson to you Courtney, 'there's no people like showpeople!''

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

"Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator."

Philosophy Class for Proctology Students

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

Recycling Bin in Operating Theatre

"Congratulations, Doc, you got a 'thumbs up' on Facebook!"

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

"The doctor would like to know if anyone else out here needs surgery before he puts his stuff away."

Gynecology pigeon hole

'You're wrong...this is brain surgery.'

'What wine goes with the Hippocratic Oath- my nephew graduated from medical school.'

'If you're so easily grossed out, why did you go to medical school?'

Medical School. I'm going to specialize in children's feet. You'll be a "podiatrician."

'Relax, the operation will be over in no time.'

'Spend all morning on a cryptorchidectomy...'

'Sorry, we don't know as much as we'd like to about warming a stethoscope.'

Sewing for Dummies.

"It's elective surgery. You'll have a better idea of what your chances are once I go over the poll results."