Surgery Jesters Pillows

'He's had so many operations, I'm putting in a zip!'

"The first one's just a warning."

"I hate performance review season."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'I take it his performance review went well.'

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

Quick! 5-second rule!

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

Jeff hated performance reviews.

Surgeon Finds Heart Reading 'Be my Valentine'.

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

'Dont' operate any rocks or sticks while you're using this medication.'

"Got it!"

"Sir, Sparky is here for his 3:00 pm throw."

"We're trying to save your husband."

Nil By Ear

Nurse cautioning a patient

'That's how much time your HMO allots for bypass surgery.'

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

"I can catch-you can't throw."

'I wouldn't wait too long, for a limited time banks are offering low interest loans on coronary bypass surgery.'

"....And Mother Yancy will be assisting the reattachment team this morning..."

' I hope you're not trying to suggest that I don't pay you enough Foster ! '

'Oh, about your theory - Heisenberg thinks he's found a loophole.'

"I'll have my people call your people."

'How do you like this one?...Inflatable dart board.'

"Hold it. I'd like a second opinion!"