Surgery Experience Gifts

'You know you're not supposed to have anything to drink before your op.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"This will be a tricky operation."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

En garde!

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"Gross."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

'Wilkins! Keep your eyes on your own cadaver!'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'