Support Worker Gifts

Counsellor for man on desert island

'I know! I know! But if I can beat chocolate, you can beat heroin!'

Hot Line

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

Blind but fun: 'I bet he's hiding behind the tree again...'

Lyme's Disease Support Group

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

Protect Victims of Domestic and Sexual Violence

Not much money, glory, or praise

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

Social Worker

"Sorry, Pete, but Bill is now my 'go-to' guy. Until further notice, you're my 'anybody-but' guy."

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

"And this is my life support system."

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"When we have COVID under control you'll be rewarded for saving us, we won't forget how much we owe you."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

I'd rather be phishing.

'You've agreed to work Sundays, haven't you!'

"It's just me, the algae-eater. Mind if I tidy up a bit in here?"

'Maybe I should change this thing more often...'

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

Amnesia Support Group: Meeting Today!

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

"I love group...however, I don't feel that everyone honors my right to express my fears."

"We've been hacked by our enemies! Is there anyone who know something about computers?"

Guide Dogs

"Maybe you're not underemployed - maybe you're just overeducated."

"Switch it off and switch it on again, that will be $85."

"No the you shop noise doesn't bother me. This protects me from the incessant Christmas music."