Support Group Humorists Gifts

"Hello, everyone. My name is Mittens, and I'm addicted to catnip."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"You're completely screwed up."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

Computer help.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

'Anybody who has a life, gets more work.'

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

I think I have a gilt complex.

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

Dog in therapy.

'To foster a sense of trust, I always like to end each session with a group hug.'