Support Group Humorist Gifts

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'

'My name's Rufus, and I'm a boneaholic.'

"Bet they fail!"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Applause

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'What'll it be?'

"You're completely screwed up."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

Computer help.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

'Anybody who has a life, gets more work.'

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

I think I have a gilt complex.

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

Dog in therapy.